#insecure

Time for another Insecure Writers Support Group post!InsecureWritersSupportGroup

(Don’t forget to click on the link and visit the main IWSG page: there are hundreds of insecure writer’s blogs to visit!)

Well I’ve left this until the last minute, so I am just basically rambling here (I know you’re thinking, “As if all your other posts are planned?”) but I usually do have some kind of structure in mind.

It’s not just this post – my writing in general has been really lax lately. Partly due to busy-life-syndrome: the last few weeks of summer, my kids starting back at school, family events and birthdays and all that. Also due to a new release I have coming out Sept 8, and all the last minute work that entails. And partially, if I’m being honest, due to a crisis of self-confidence.

I’ve been doubting my writing a lot lately. I’ve heard from a few writer friends who have been feeling the same way just recently and it makes me wonder if there is some wonky astrological thing behind it, or the pull of our collective-unconscious, or another intangible influence at work. Then again, the fact there are so many members of the “Insecure Writer’s Support Group” indicates low self-confidence is fairly common among writers.

I know my writing has been slowly improving. I can tell that the way I write now is “better” than what I did last year at this time, and much better than what I did two years ago. So that is good. But I am still insecure. And I still have thoughts of “I suck!” and “Why bother?” pretty frequently. I constantly feel like everyone is smarter than me, and better than me, and more deserving of praise and success. I know most of these feelings are natural, and I know I need to move through them, just keep working and improving, but knowing all that doesn’t make doing it any easier.

Additionally, I’m feeling some pressure with this upcoming release. A few people pre-ordered it from Amazon. And some people added it to their “to read” shelves on goodreads. I am so grateful and happy! But I am also nervous. What if they are disappointed? What if this is the book that makes everyone finally realize I don’t know what I am doing?

So, yeah… #insecure

6 thoughts on “#insecure

  1. “What if they are disappointed?” That’s my fear right there, right alongside “What if I’m making an ass of myself?” and “What if I’m actually no better than all the books I think I’m better than?” And “WHAT IF I NEVER GET THE HANG OF TELLING A SATISFYING STORY? WHAT IF THAT’S MY LIMITATION???” Excuse me while I go pour myself a drink.

    • So funny, isn’t it? We want attention, we want “readers” and then when we get them we are panicked!

      “Hey check out my new outfit!”
      *everyone looks*
      “Don’t look at me, I’m hideous!!”

      Seems ridiculous, but that is basically what I am doing. Like a promo-panic-promo-panic rollercoaster with no exit, lol.
      My nerves have been growing more and more frazzled as I watch the number of “people who marked this as ‘to read'” on my book’s goodreads page slowly climb. I’m fairly sure many of those people will be disappointed in my mediocre work.
      I’ll pour myself a drink as well. Maybe two.

      (And happy birthday! Mine is Friday 🙂 )

      • *clinks glasses* My mother’s is Friday! (And in a last minute rush—because September crept up on me before I knew it—I was up at midnight placing the order for her present. I forgot to add a gift note, so I had to email her this morning and say, “That package that you’re getting that you don’t know who it’s from…yeah.”)

        Promo is hell. You’re so out there: LOOK AT ME!…while whispering “But, really, please, how about that bird over there in the sky? Could we all look at that instead? Pretty bird. Buy my book. Pretend I didn’t just say that.”

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