social media survival guide for the hopelessly oversensitive

That’s me. Oversensitive. And online interactions are fraught with heartache, let me tell you.

But I feel the need to be online, for the sake of my book-selling efforts. And also as a support system for my writing, which no one in my real life knows about still. (someday I’ll tell… I’m working up my nerve)


For insecure writer’s support group day, I thought I would post about this, because maybe some other people are like me (and also because this is my diary-blog and I’ll post about whatever I want).

Here are some of the things I try to remind myself while swimming the perilous waters of facebook and other social media sites:

That passive-aggressive status update wasn’t directed at you. It surely was directed at someone, but chances are good it wasn’t you. Calm down.

Okay, so they didn’t “like” your comment, that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Unless they liked every other comment in the thread, no matter how asinine or brief, except for yours. Then they probably don’t like you.

Have you even been outside today? Really, get your ass out of the chair and stop obsessing about what these people think of you. Go out into the real world. walk the dog, weed the garden, DO something real.

Maybe they just didn’t see it? Okay, so no one commented on your photo/status/post. Not everyone sees your stuff.

This person isn’t your friend. Stop. Just stop. They never respond, they never comment on your photos/posts, and they never visit your blog? Let it go. Stop posting comments on their blog/page/photos. Unfollow them. They probably don’t follow you, anyway.

Shouldn’t you really be writing? Get off facebook, don’t stop at tumblr, and no one sent you an e-mail in the past ten minutes. Go write!


What about you, fellow insecure writers? What do you tell yourself while on social media? Am I the only person who takes everything so seriously?

23 thoughts on “social media survival guide for the hopelessly oversensitive

  1. For me, I’ve been writing for a long and so I no longer care if people respond to my post. But, I do post a question of the day to a hot topic that’s going on right now. I try to do this mostly on my fan page so readers and people that have liked it, can get involved. But, for a new writer, I know how important it is to want to fit in and be a good sport. Just focus on yourself and keep writing!

  2. If I waited for people to respond, I’d be in trouble! Been at this for three years, posting six days a week, and I’m lucky to get two responses a month. Can’t take it seriously though. My blog has always been mostly an accountability tool.

    • No responses on the blog doesn’t bother me too much. But facebook I take more to heart. Mainly because I spend a lot of time there supporting other people, offering encouragement, liking things, commenting… you know. So then when it’s not reciprocated it feels insulting.
      I just need to get over myself, lol.

  3. I guess I’m not on social media enough, because I’ve never really noticed any of those things. And I guess that makes me a bad friend to all my friends, because I rarely “like” things they post.

    • No, you are just not oversensitive 🙂 But if you like something you see, you should click “like” – it might really brighten someone’s day, you never know!

      It actually takes a lot for me to be offended, much more than a few missing “likes.” I’m working on eliminating negative people from my life, and on being less sensitive.

  4. I try to take the negative comments with a grain of salt, too. Someone who posts negative stuff on your feed probably does the same everywhere. In fact, if you were to track their posts on every social site for a day I doubt you would find much positive interaction with anyone. Like you said, don’t take it personally. It’s just the way trolls are. They’re not really online to make friends. They’re online to criticize.

    • You’re right. I think I’m starting to understand that people use social media for so many different things. I really like reading people’s posts, and offering my encouragement and support or just chiming in with a funny comment. But a lot of people never do that, they only post their own stuff and soak up the reactions of people like me, never offering anything in return. Other people enjoy stirring the pot, so to speak, and post passive aggressive nonsense or links to inflammatory articles just to get a debate going. Still other just flit in when they have something to sell and then disappear again.
      I’m trying not to take it too personally 🙂

  5. I love this post too – you are so right about living life! I try to like and comment too but I also try to get in and get out! Same with blogging/commenting and Twitter I barely do anything there anymore – when you work full time and trying to do everything else and write – just not enough time (Plus, is it really worth that much of our time!?) 🙂

    • You’re right, it isn’t worth that much time. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made online, but the ones who are really my friends are always happy to hear I’ve been living life offline.

  6. I have gotten to the point where I only interact with people that interact. They are out there! It is so hard to write or pick something to share that will start a conversation, keep trying!

    • Yeah, I just realized that there were a few people who I was visiting their blogs regularly, and commenting, for over a year (!) and though they replied to my comments, they never once came to my blog. So I’ve had to make a few cuts to my network. Same with facebook. If I comment on the same person’s posts for months and they never even find one thing to like or comment of mine? They’re out. I can’t let myself get sucked into those one sided online relationships anymore!

  7. I try not to invest much thought into how people receive my content. I post what I want…if people like it then great…if not, then oh well it was still something that meant enough to me to want to share it. That’s how I try to look at things. Obviously it doesn’t always work, and of course I’m thrilled when people love my content (as with my coming out blog post) but I think it’s important to do it for yourself and not for others.

    • That’s a good point. And I also realize often the way I perceive things is not the way they were intended. Most of the time, no one means to be hurtful. I just need to remember that! 🙂

  8. Your tips are very accurate and made me smile. It’s so common to spend way too much time in Facebook and forget about the real world. And also get a bit obsessive with the Likes. I’m not there much, but sometimes I’ve fallen in the trap too.

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