My latest stew is this: why do men think sex is so “different” for women? Are they right? And most of all, why do they think it’s okay to not understand us, or talk about us (and our sexuality) as if we are some kind of crazy mystery beyond their comprehension?
So on tumblr there was this post:
(hmm… if you spent as much time touching/studying/manipulating a clitoris as you did a rubik’s cube, you’d be a fucking expert and you wouldn’t have made this shitty graphic.)
and following it was a long line of awesome comments, basically saying things like “dude, it’s right there!” and “omg! we found the world’s worst lover!” This was my favorite:
srsly tho it’s RIGHT THERE
maybe we should retaliate by claiming that we can’t find the penis
“it’s right there!”
“no those are my balls”
“in here somewhere?”
“that’s my anus please stop prodding at it” (via thispainshallpassaway)
LOL! And then another blog reminded me of this Stephen Hawking gem from last year:
“In an interview with New Scientist magazine ahead of his 70th birthday on Sunday, Hawking was asked what he thinks about most during the day.
“Women,” he replied. “They are a complete mystery”.” (HuffpostUK 5/1/12)
Really Stephen Hawking? How about you TRY. Use your incredible cognitive powers for good. Empathize. Why is it somehow acceptable for men to say they don’t understand women? That our minds/feelings/bodies are a mystery to them?
So here are the top 3 things that I hate to hear (or read), about male/female relationships, and my thoughts about them:
(Disclaimer: obviously, these are just my opinions, and please keep in mind I am frequently wrong)
1. Sex is all about intimacy for women / women are more monogamous than men / women can’t separate sex and love
Um, okay, this is true…a little. And here is my theory (for the benefit of male readers) about why: If you knew that every time you had sex you had maybe a ten percent chance of having an orgasm (especially when you were young and just starting to be sexually active) how long would it take for the act of sex to take on a new meaning for you? If sex was mildly pleasing, but very rarely satisfying, it would very quickly cease to be about physical pleasure and begin to function more as an intimate, emotionally fulfilling experience. This is what happens with many women. Hopefully, we learn to speak up for ourselves, and when our partners mature (18 year old guys are not the most generous or sensitive lovers, usually), this changes. But the emotional component sometimes lingers. Remember that everyone is different, and many women are totally cool with a sex-only relationship, just as some men are not okay with it.
2. I don’t understand women / women are crazy / women are a mystery
Seriously, never say this. Ever. Women are not things, or theories, or objects about which this type of statement is acceptable. You can say “the Teen Wolf fandom is a mystery to me”, or that you “don’t understand fried pb&b sandwiches”, but don’t apply this type of blanket dismissal to half of the human race. It makes you look really dumb, even if you’re a certified genius. Try harder.
3. Women are difficult to please in bed / I don’t understand how to perform oral sex on a woman / I can’t tell if a woman is faking orgasm
This is an educational issue. Many men get most of their sexual knowledge either from actual experience or from porn, and both sources are problematic. Experience is good way to gain knowledge, if the woman is honest and open, and the man is willing to learn. But most young men are mainly interested in their own pleasure, and most young women are too self-conscious or shy to say anything, so it doesn’t always work until people are older. Most hetero-porn is just horrible. It’s a very unrealistic example of how to please a woman, and so it teaches very little. Watch porn, enjoy it, but just don’t consider it instruction. Instead, how about you talk to your partner? Then (here’s the important part) actually listen to what she says. If you (or your partner) are too shy for that, just keep your eyes and ears open and pay attention. It’s really not that difficult, if you just stop thinking about yourself for five seconds.
Can you tell I read a few m/f romances this week? Yes, I did. And I spent way too much time on tumblr and facebook (as usual) so that fired me up a little as well. There are probably more things I could rant about on this subject…but that will have to be a post for another day!
Happy weekend, everyone 🙂